Bathhouse Etiquette and Common Fucking Decency

After a long day of work, there’s nothing I love more than to immediately get in a tub of hot water and soak my troubles away. I also want to fuck my stress away until my legs go numb. Sadly I live a ninety minute commute away from work. Where is a filthy, horny gay supposed to go when I need to get clean and get fucked? Introducing the bath house.

Bath houses have been a long time staple in human history dating as far back as 6th century BC in Greece. It wasn’t until the 15th century that bath houses were being used for gay sex. In Western society, bath houses for gay sex didn’t appear until the 19th and 20th century when same same sex relations were illegal. In the 1950s exclusively gay bath houses were operational but were still the target of police raids as gay sex was seen as immoral. Thanks to the rise of the gay liberation movement it wasn’t until the 60s and 70s that bath houses became fully licensed establishments.

If you have a gay village from wherever you’re reading this, then chances are there’s a gay bath house there. These places that have long been perceived as houses of debauchery have served as a de facto oasis for those of us who have ever felt marginalized and othered. And while bath houses may be scarce, they are important to us. We come here to have fun, have sex, take a nap, work out, socialize, and even get essential sexual health resources. One too many times have bath houses been subject to gentrification because they don’t see how much it means to us. These are a staple in gay culture and as such we must take care of it. 

Taking care of it means having to act a certain way and knowing your way around this unique space. So whether you’re a novice or a seasoned professional in getting your back broke and butt soaked, I hope you can find something useful in between these sticky words.

Consent

I really hope that this goes without saying, but it doesn’t hurt to reinforce it. Consent must be your priority when you’re entering a space especially in a hypersexualized space. Once you get your towel from the front desk and enter through the doors leading into the dimly lit locker room-esque space, you are already consenting to entering a very horny area.

But just because people have their towels off, it doesn’t mean that you can go around touching the merchandise like a child in Toys R Us. And neither can they. You are not obligated to have sex with anyone and nobody has to fuck you. Very often you will see some patrons in their tiny rooms with the door open and lying down on their bed as naked as the day they were born. This is their mating call, the baboon showing his glowing ass cheeks, the peacock pruning his feathers. If you like what you see, then this is the best time for you to approach. Keep in mind that it may not result in anything, and that’s okay! Why would you wanna fuck someone that doesn’t wanna fuck you?

Gym

Some bath houses have a gym in place if you want to break a sweat. Navigating a bath house gym should be like navigating any other gym. Pick up the equipment after you use it, wipe down machines when you’re done, and don’t be creepy by staring too long at your gym crush. Unless otherwise stated by management, you can’t have sex in the gym. I can understand why; cum stains are difficult to clean off the dumbbells and leave that all too familiar scent. In any case respect the equipment like you would your own home furniture.

Facilities

The most common features of a bath house are lounge areas, porn rooms, hot tubs, dry and wet saunas, and a dungeon. These areas are normally okay for sex if you’re into voyeurism exhibitionism (watching and being watched). Feel free to hook up here, masturbate to whatever you like, or simply enjoy the heat and relax. I wouldn’t recommend the saunas and hot tubs for sex if you’re on heart medication and plan to use poppers. Your blood pressure is already rushing from the heat, and you don’t want to make it any worse with meds and drugs and get a stroke. Not the kind of stroke we want on a Friday night. 

Sexual Health

There’s still some shame and stigma attached to men having sex with men especially if you’re still closeted. You wouldn’t feel too comfortable talking about it with your doctor. Luckily bath houses have a sexual health resource center normally provided by volunteers of a local HIV/AIDS organization. They’ll either have a booth or office where they can provide information brochures, condoms, gloves, lube packs, drug testing kits, rapid HIV tests, ear plugs (if you feel like taking a nap), and even on-site nurses who can administer tests and vaccines. Most of the time these outreach booths are manned by volunteers who would be more than happy to answer your sexual health questions. This is an often overlooked feature of the bath house due to its perceived depravity, but this is still an important service that needs to be present. When men don’t want to talk about their sexual health with their primary care provider, a bath house is the next best thing. 

Bath houses have proven and will continue to prove that they are necessary establishments for the gay community. By providing both a safe space for sexual exploration and important resources for sexual health, a bath house is nothing short of essential when it comes to keeping us alive and healthy. Treat it with respect, even if you want daddy to disrespect you. Respectfully.