Cancel Me
I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts the other day called Food 4 Thot, and they were talking about the subject of getting cancelled. This really got me thinking about what really is cancel culture. What even is cancel culture? When someone says something so abhorrent and gross, the internet is so quick to “cancel” them. But what does it mean!? My interpretation of cancellation is when you say to someone that “you don’t get to exist anymore, and I will not allow you grace to grow.” We automatically jump on the defense because whatever someone said or did feels so personal and it feels like an attack on our essence. I get that it feels so good! We allow ourselves to have some sense of vengefulness because in the digital age it’s the only way we can get back at our assailants. “You have made me feel so small and disgusting and I’m absolutely offended therefore I will not allow you space in my life and I will never forgive you for this.” So…what happens when we cancel someone? Or what happens when we ourselves are cancelled? This is a genuine question because I’m not even sure what the answers are. When we cancel someone, do we send someone after them? Do we hire a hitman to do our bidding? And when we get cancelled, are we then just going to disappear and pulled off the air? Do we just suddenly turn in to a cloud of gay dust and vanish from human history? I wish I knew to be quite honest, but all I can draw on is personal experience from being on both sides of the cancellation.
Not too long ago, Only Fans announced that they would ban all sexually explicit content starting October. Not long after receiving much deserved backlash and realizing they would lose a shit ton of money they “suspended” the ban…whatever that means. As a former sex worker myself, I felt this as an attack on my personhood and my heart went out to all the other sex workers using the OF platform as a source of income. I didn’t want to cancel OF. I don’t use their platform for sex work, but I was still very much hurt. Coming from a place of compassion and genuine concern, I made an Instagram post (albeit imperfect and slightly inaccurate) listing other platforms that sex workers can migrate to so that they can continue their work. But of course, the internet is just so full of love!!! You know when there are days where you scroll your apps and you just happen to be in a bad mood and are not feeling like you can tolerate any bullshit? Yeah, I was all up in my feelings with all the comments going “Get a real job” or “Stop being a whore and work.” One anonymous comment caught me at a very specific time, and I was not having it. This was the exchange.
Oh fuck, it felt so good to just let out all my anger on this one anonymous stranger who thought he could get away with making fun of sex workers. Ooouu the adrenaline was hitting me!!!
And of course, the internet being the lovely little place of encouragement that it is, I was met with backlash. Surprise. Following this reply, I was met with comments like “Wow, this was unnecessary and gross” or “ What the fuck is wrong with you?” Naturally, I just replied with “Cry about it, babe.” It was so surreal to see other comments basically coming to the defense of this anonymous sex work hater rather than coming to my side. I was essentially getting cancelled. Not at the degree of a public celebrity or a viral TikTok misogynistic rant, but cancelled nonetheless. Were they really coming over with their purity culture high horse telling me that there’s a right way to argue? There’s an ethical way to win a fight? When my personhood is attacked at such a deep level, I don’t care about your feelings. I will reflect your aggressive energy right back at you. I will hit below the belt. I am responsible for me words, but what I am not responsible for is how your body and mind respond to my defense mechanisms. You don’t owe me your trauma. If you don’t like what I have to say, then don’t let the door hit you on the way out. How you react to my words is an issue, not an ish-me. I don’t care who read my reply. I only care that he (assuming it’s a guy because duh) reads it and that he loses sleep and that I got him where it hurts. I don’t owe everybody respect because that is up to my discretion.
Now in retrospect, after I’ve calmed down and learned to handle trolls in a less wordy way, yeah this may have gone a teensy bit overboard. Have I actually hit the nail on the head? Maybe. Did I get this troll to lose sleep because I brought up some trauma? I hope so. Did I achieve what my emotions wanted me to achieve? You bet your ass and fuck, it felt amazing. I know the troll didn’t mean anything malicious, because nobody in real life does anything out of genuine malice. He was probably bored and wanted to start a fight and sought after a stranger’s attention. He just happened to come across my page at a very inopportune time.
Had I ran across this comment with a clearer, more logical mindset, what would I have done? Would I have been so quick to make such a wordy comeback attacking him at his core? Would I have approached him with more compassion? Would that have been the better alternate than going on the defense? Is there a better alternative to cancel culture? A less punitive form of accountability for our actions? I genuinely don’t know. Speaking from experience we can call people out and ask for an apology, but that can only go so far. Who knows if genuine change could happen from an insincere apology. Would a more civil DM exchange work? I don’t know. Maybe? I’m not one to engage in conversations with strangers who are unwilling to learn and are choosing to be stuck in their ways. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know if anyone out there has the answers to create a productive dialogue around cancel culture. If you read this and you do happen to have one, let me know!
Did I grow from this experience? Well, I’m trash so who really knows. What I did learn from this was that I have extremely well-established boundaries. I will not allow anyone to cross them. I will defend myself and my personhood at all costs because I do not tolerate clown ass bullshit. I do not care if I’m cancelled simply because I refuse to be treated like a joke. I reflect energy that is directed at me, so don’t come crying when you can’t take the smoke. If you wanna take away anything from this post, I hope that you can take away a lesson in not putting up with nonsense. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice yourself and your values for some man, for some troll, or just anyone for that matter. Go out and date, go out and fuck, go out and get wrecked behind a Taco Bell dumpster. But no matter what, do what you feel is right for you and protect your energy at all costs. And anyone who thinks they can get away with violating your energy better be prepared to get a new asshole. Because at the end of the day, nobody else is going to protect you besides you.
