Low Bullshit Tolerance
This month has been a reflection on how I’ve been interacting with friends and strangers. I was grabbing lunch with my friend, Mel, and we got to talking about breakups and bullshit. Whenever I think of the word “bullshit” I always think back to the late Harry G. Frankfurt’s 1986 essay On Bullshit.
“Someone who lies and someone who tells the truth are playing on opposite sides, so to speak, in the same game. Each responds to the facts as he understands them, although the response of the one is guided by the authority of the truth, while the response of the other defies that authority and refuses to meet its demands. The bullshitter ignores these demands altogether. He does not reject the authority of the truth, as the liar does, and oppose himself to it. He pays no attention to it at all. By virtue of this, bullshit is a greater enemy of the truth than lies are.”
If you’re too lazy to read the essay, I’ll give a very brief summary of it here. The difference between lying and bullshitting is that liars know the truth and hide it while bullshitters just make shit up and they believe it to be true. Frankfurt says that bullshitters are more dangerous than liars because liars have some respect for truth while bullshitters don’t care, and the rise of bullshit is harmful due to a growing disregard for truth.
In that regard, I find liars to be more intelligent and calculated while bullshitters are just plain dumb. This is why I have a low bullshit tolerance. I refuse to accept stupidity and our growing acceptance of it. This is harmful and slowly breaks down the proverbial foundation of societal standards.
Bullshit, to me, exists on a spectrum. Some bullshit may be more harmful than others, but they all harm nonetheless. Big bullshit can be as grand as the most powerful leader of the free world telling you that a specific country is meddling in their affairs because he genuinely believes it but has no facts to back it up. Smaller bullshit can be an old high school pal hits you up after all these years to pitch you a vitamin supplement telling you that you’ll get more “swole, bro” if you just follow this payment model that resembles the shape of a pyramid. However, bullshit can also exist in a more intimate context, and that can be the most hurtful. I’ve personally experienced bullshit in my romantic life such as when this guy genuinely thought that he could put his dick in my ass without any lube because he thought his spit was enough. If only I could go into detail about how much that hurt and how I almost beat his ass because of it. And no, I don’t think that’s an overreaction. Then there’s other bullshit like when one partner spends too much and almost reaches their credit card limit because they believe that you have enough money to pay it off. How and why did you think that while I’m being paid minimum wage? Idiot.
I’ve been told that my reaction to bullshit is a little over the top, that I may come across as abrasive at times, and very heartless. To all statements of the like, I call bullshit and tell you to shut the fuck up. I believe that I’m acting appropriately to the level of stupidity presented to me. Level-ten bullshit deserves level-ten outrage. I cannot and will not tolerate dumb actions and dumb ideas especially when we’re in an age of easily accessible information and therapy. My friends will often look at me in shock when I tell them I’m not going to help them check in on their exes. In what world do you think that is a good idea? How exactly does that help you heal? What are the benefits of that? If you can give me convincing answers to all those questions, then I will help you. But rarely has there ever been an answer satisfying enough to tell me to search up their handle so I can tell you they still follow me.
Some may call it mean, I call it righteous indignation. I need to call out bullshit in its tracks and nip it in the bud so that we can stop causing more harm to each other and ourselves. The reason I get so angry with bullshit, especially in relationships is because I know deep down that we can do better. I believe that you are capable of doing more research finding help and working on becoming a better person. What makes me mad is that you choose not to and have chosen to put me in the middle of your drama. I simply cannot accept that nor do I have the time for it.
As I pause and read back on what I’ve written thus far, I realize how pretentious I sound as if I’m the shining example of no bullshit. I know I’m flawless, I get that. But I am human. I am guilty of creating my own bullshit and welcoming other’s bullshit into my life. That is on me, and I take full responsibility for it. But I will say is that I have been more cognizant of my bullshit, and I’m more aware of when it happens so that I can put it to a screeching halt. I’m not going into a discussion about politics when there’s a topic I know little to nothing about. On the flip side, I will not engage with someone who claims to know everything about something when all they’re doing is shouting wrong things louder than me. The Dunning-Kruger effect is not a cute look on you, babe.
My low bullshit tolerance has come from years of therapy and learning to love myself. I care enough about myself to know I deserve better than bullshit. I know that I care enough about my friends to stop them from engaging in their toxic post-breakup behaviours and engaging in their downfall. You may see it as mean and unkind, but it is loving myself and being kind to my mental health to distance myself from bullshit. It is an act of care for me to call bullshitters out on their ignorance even if they don’t listen. I can go to bed at night knowing that I didn’t abandon myself and my belief system and morals. So the next time you think that it’s okay for you to keep following your ex on social media or make TikToks about them, I want you to picture me with a scowl looking at you in disdain because I know you can do better than this. You’re just choosing not to.
That bullshit is gross.
