How Can I Get Him to Talk More?
Kumusta Tita,
I’ve been hooking up with this guy and really like him. He also seems to like me and brought up dating the 2nd or 3rd time we met. I’m totally open to it. He says he’s very serious about communication, which is a good thing, but I end up doing all the texting and calling.
This is something I’ve had an issue with when dating other guys. Like, I can go a week and not hear a peep out of someone, and then they get mad when I ask, “Why couldn’t you even check up on me when I check up on you?”
Am I just being crazy? Am I wrong? I just feel like I shouldn’t have to be the only one talking.
I’m sure nothing’s going to come of this one since all we ever do when I meet up with him when he wants a date is fuck and then talk a little.
Sincerely,
Craving Conversation
Hey Craving,
I remember the first time I wanted a hookup to be more than just a hookup. We fucked for a couple of hours, we lied down in bed soaked in sweat and cum and spit, then we longingly glanced in to each other’s eyes and ruminated on the sweet, sweet promise of a bright new tomorrow filled with love and nuptial bliss.
You can either believe that bullshit, or the truth: he never called me again after he said he wanted to try being serious.
Can you believe that?! He was the one who wanted to get all serious and monogamous or whatever, and he was the one who ghosted me. Goodnight to everyone in the world, except that fucking guy.
Clear-cut communication is still a mystery even to adults in the age of accessible instant messaging and accessible therapy through TikTok. It’s like there’s all this advice on how to talk to your crush and being an advocate for yourself, yet people are still confused or too cowardly to initiate any sort of conversation. In times like this, you have to be the head bitch in charge.
So you want to be serious with this guy, and he wants to as well? Great. What does serious look like for both of you? What would your lines of communication look like? How often do you want to communicate? What do you want to say to each other when you talk over the phone or text? These are all the questions both of you need to answer together. Lead with curiosity and compassion. Believe it or not, some guys are just plain fucking stupid, so you need to quite literally hold their hand when you say, “I need you to text me in the morning.”
I think we, as a society, need to be better at asking for what we want. It’s one thing to voice your desire, but it’s another thing to specify how you want that desire to be met. “Let’s communicate more” is not the same as “Good communication, to me, looks like a check-in with each other every other day. We don’t have to have a long conversation, but I appreciate it when someone checks in with me because that tells me I’m important to you, and I will do the same.”
Boom. You say what you want, how you want it to look, and why you want it.
I also think that you should give this guy a chance, even if you think that all he wants to do is fuck and talk a little during your dates. I’m literally the matron saint of ALL MEN SUCK and GUYS ARE ALL THE SAME. But in 2025? We’re changing that to MEN ARE DUMB AND NEED TO BE TAUGHT and I WILL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT AND YOU CAN EITHER FOLLOW THROUGH OR FUCK OFF.
To address your line of questioning, I have a couple of theories as to why they get mad. Either A, they hate that their poor communication skills is being called out and that you’re treating them like a child — I’m all for making men feel small — or B, the way you phrase the question is very accusatory. I think it would benefit you to reframe that question as, “I’m wondering why we haven’t communicated that much. What’s up with that?” It’s more curious and coming from you than you coming for them.
Finally, know when to cut your losses. If he can’t stick to the plan after you’ve laid out what good communication looks like, everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe revisit what you and he are capable of committing to. Redefine what good communication looks like to both of you. And keep working on it together. As long as there’s effort. However, when you notice that after trying to make it work and he’s no longer putting in as much energy as you, cut a bitch. I got some good scissors if you wanna borrow them, sis.
Mahal kita,
Tita Slut
