I Need Something More Than This Shitty Life
Kumusta Tita,
Something that I have been considering is moving away from just pretty much everyone that I’ve known in my life. To seek out a new adventure of my own. I’ve been living in my area for fifteen years now, and I think that’s holding me back. I want to explore and do better by myself.
My parents aren’t supportive of anything I want to do; not that I’m looking for their approval. The people that I have in my life are shitty and get me in situations that I shouldn’t be in. I’m also going through a divorce to top it off.
I could stay here for years and still not be able to do the things I want or be able to have the life I want. I’m wondering if it’s wrong to want to leave and seek out a better life for myself after all of these years devoting myself to others. I’m falling in love with the idea of just packing up and leaving without notice.
Is it selfish of me to drop everything and everyone that I’ve known to go and seek out, I don’t know, something…more?
Signed,
Wonder Lust
Hey WL,
I’ve been on a nostalgic binge lately. I’m rewatching old movies that I enjoyed when I was a kid, and also trying to find streaming services for movies that I didn’t get a chance to see. Apparently, I really missed out when I didn’t get to watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. It’s supposed to be pivotal or something.
In my nostalgia, I went through my Spotify of old songs I haven’t listened to in a while like Craig David’s Walking Away and Hannah Montana’s Wherever I Go. I know, my music taste is delectable and diverse. The common theme with songs about leaving home and starting new is that it’s always celebrated. Really immerse yourself in your Eat, Pray, Love era.
That said, Wonder, it’s really interesting when you use the word selfish. Why are we afraid of looking selfish? Is that really such a bad thing? On a scale of eating the last slice of pizza when someone told you clearly and directly that they wanted that last slice to literal murder, I think wanting to move and finding opportunities for yourself falls somewhere in the middle, close to buying yourself a new sex toy from loveshop.ca and using code SEXEDWITHTIM for 15% off. It’s an investment in yourself!
The concept of selfishness is something that I am unpacking in therapy as someone who is a people pleaser to a clinical degree. Seriously, I would rather die if it means I won’t disappoint anyone. What I’m learning about selfishness is that it’s subjective and depends on the circumstances. It's important to reflect on your motivations, consider the impact on those around you, and make informed decisions that align with your values and responsibilities.
In your case, WL, what are your motivations for wanting to leave? You said that you’re going through a divorce, your parents are disapproving, and your friends are basically convicted felons. I’m guessing. Is your desire to leave stemming from a place of cowardice where you want to escape some problems that seem inescapable? I’ve got news for you: if you’re trying to run away from shitty friends, shitty families, and shitty exes, you’re going to run in to that no matter where you go. So moving away from this wouldn’t solve anything and would not be a good reason to get out of Dodge.
A good reason would be to find a better life. But it must be genuine. It may be selfish to others, but that’s their prerogative to see it that way. There’s nothing wrong with being selfish if it means taking care of yourself. If your motivations lie in sincerely wanting to find growth and more opportunities and not because you’re trying to run away from a shitty life, then you have my full support. Otherwise, stay there and fix it.
It’s not my place to tell anyone how to live their life which is a fucking idiotic thing to say considering I run an advice column, so it’s literally my place to tell you how to live your life. I don’t know your full situation. You could actually be running from an abusive relationship or got tangled in a human trafficking ring and need a way out. If that is the case, then what are you still doing there? Run for the goddamn hills. But fortunately by the sound of your letter, WL, it seems that you’re burdened with the mundane and nebulous task of dealing with what is a regular human experience.
It’s totally fine to be selfish. I encourage more people to be selfish. But that’s only if that selfishness leads to your personal care and growth. You need to take care of yourself if you ever plan on being there for others. If you plan to uproot your entire life, then you better make sure that your next spot has good soil and sun and water. And if you are selfish simply because you think you can do it, like stealing the last Four Loko at the tailgate party, then go fuck yourself.
Think long-term. Plan ahead. Get your affairs in order and say your goodbyes. You may not know it or show it, but people will be sad when you leave. But that doesn’t compare to the amount of joy you will experience when you’re finally free from the banality of Middle of Buttfuck Nowhere and find a place where you truly feel like you can grow and start anew. I wish you nothing but the best for you, WL. Ouu look! Another nostalgic reference!
Mahal Kita,
Tita Slut
