It’s My Special Day!!!

Look at Miss Jimbo up there being so iconic for 11 seconds. After you’ve replayed it at least a thousand times, let’s get in to it.

If you’re a gay man and frequent a gay bar/drag bar, you know exactly what this is about. If you’re a white woman that’s ever been in this space, brace yourself.

As some of you may know I’m a pole dance instructor. One of the services provided by the studio is hosting parties. And you can probably guess what kind of parties come in the most often. Hint: it rhymes with machelorette.

I recently instructed a bachelorette party, and you can probably guess all the problematic things that happened. First of all, they came late. Not my problem. Second, they arrived hung over. Yeah, trying to spin on a pole while hung over is not the best idea. They got tired after thirty minutes, and they paid for a ninety minute party. Third, they weren’t listening to my instructions because they’re too busy having fun which led to some minor injuries. Finally, this is what bothered me the most. Before the party even started, I introduced myself to the party because I’m a fucking treat. I was making conversation with them, and one girl asked me where the best gay bar is. I told them to go to Crews and Tango because that hosts the best drag queens in all of Toronto in my opinion. Then the girl said, “I wonder if we can get in for free because it’s my special day.”

Triggered. TRIGGERED!

Listen. I get it. Being a woman is hard. The world has made itself known that it hates all women. While I am a man, I’m a gay man. I understand what it’s like to be ostracized for a trait that’s not in your control. I know the desire to find a space where you feel safe and let loose. That’s why gay people create a village for ourselves wherever we are. Small neighbourhoods like this are our safe spaces. These spaces are where we can feel authentic and momentarily forget about the world full of homophobia, misogyny, toxic masculinity, and all kinds of bigotry. We build these spaces from the ground up and welcome anyone that wants to feel safe. That said, if you are not part of this community, know that you are a guest. Our space is not your space to take over. So as a guest, act accordingly.

If you were to visit someone’s house, you wouldn’t put your feet up on the furniture unless you were given permission. If you’re a guest, you’re not going to open their fridge without them knowing. If you’re a guest, you wouldn’t touch the host without their consent.

That’s exactly what happens when white women enter queer spaces. I remember a time when I was minding my own business at the bar and some drunk white girl came up to me because she thought I looked snatched. I don’t blame her. I know I’m hot. But she thought it was appropriate to slide her hand in my open-button shirt and squeeze my chest. Needless to say I lost my shit on her and stormed out.

I also remember another incident that didn’t involve me directly. I was enjoying a drag show with my friends, and there was a bachelorette party that had reserved a table next to the stage. When the quintessential gay anthem “Man, I Feel Like a Woman” by Shania Twain came on, the bachelorette jumped up on the table and started dancing. She then proceeded to hop on the stage next to the drag queen, who very appropriately pushed her off. Ruined the whole vibe because the drag queen looked pissed and forced her to restart the song. Not cute.

Consider this my plea addressing all white women: please, please, please, PLEASE learn how to behave in our spaces. To reiterate, you are a GUEST. You are welcomed here. Feel free to make yourself at home. But I beg of you to treat the space as not yours. This means not touching gay men because you think we won’t be affected by it. This means not hopping on top of tables to get all the attention on yourself. This means being on your best behaviour from the moment you enter to the second you leave. Let me hold a mirror up to your actions. You’re acting exactly like the men we hate in the outside world; entitled, inappropriate, and gross.

Take your vodka soda and sit quietly, bitch.